“Remember that servers are people, and sugar is always better than vinegar. “Be conciliatory, never aggressive,” advises Yin. But make your point straight away – don’t eat the dish and then complain about it. Complaining in a restaurantĪny restaurant worth eating in will be keen to know if you’re unhappy, says Mandy Yin, chef/owner at London’s Sambal Shiok. Try: “OK, but I’d like to carry on working two days a week at home and have some more professional training.” And set a date for when your company can review your pay. If you’re told there’s no extra money in the coffers, think about the whole package. So the extra £3,000 you’re asking for is good value compared with the £5,000 they’ll spend on recruiting and training someone new. Women, in particular, often need a confidence boost, so think about it like this: if you end up leaving, your employer will probably spend more on replacing you. “What’s the added value you’re bringing to your organisation? Have you taken on extra responsibility, or learned new skills?” The crucial thing, she says, is to talk about the value you bring. The key element is to work out how much you want, and go into the conversation believing you’re worth it. “Many people think the stakes are higher when they’re talking to someone more senior, but why should that be the case?” If you’re worried about talking to your boss, unpack that. Ask yourself why, says executive career and leadership coach Denise Chilton. As a rule of thumb, the trickier the conversation, the more you need to practise Dr Tracy Towner Asking for a pay rise Saying you’ll hand in your notice, or never speak to them again, or trading insults, is guaranteed to make an already tough situation toxic. And however unsatisfactory it has been, resist throwing your toys out of the pram. If the other person brings unexpected factors into the mix, park the chat for a while.įinally, always leave the encounter having agreed what will happen next. Before you press send, read the email, imagining how it would make you feel if you were receiving it.įor the conversation itself, make sure you’re in the right mood. It’s always better to have a tricky conversation in person, but if you do resort to email or text to set the conversation up, or to clarify issues afterwards, be very careful about the wording be as even-handed as possible. If they don’t like being taken unawares, let them know you need a chat, and say what it’s about. If it’s someone you know, think about their style of communication.
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